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Welcome to episode #17 of Ask an Ex.

In this interview, our member Amberly from the US shares her story of how she quit smoking with the CBQ Method – and after trying to quit before by going cold turkey and using willpower.

Amberly smoked her last cigarette on the 31st of January 2020 and her biggest motivation was her health and her family.

Tune in to watch:

• What were the challenges she overcame after quitting smoking that would have made most people relapse.
• How she experienced the nicotine withdrawal when she quit cold turkey and how her experience was different with the CBQ Method.
• What event released her emotionally from smoking.

Thank you, Amberly!

About Ask An Ex

ASK AN EX is a new interview series. Each interview features an inspiring ex-smoker who succeeded with the CBQ Method™

And they tell you everything – how they did it, what helped them, what challenged them, their fears, motivations and aspirations.

Because the best person to ask about quitting smoking, is an Ex who’s been exactly where you are right now. Every EX shares their unique perspective and wisdom on quitting smoking (because everyone has a unique mix of background, mindset, and experiences). 

And they do it for 1 reason: to help YOU become an EX too. 

Get started with the CBQ Method (Free): 
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Join the CBQ Method Facebook Support Community:
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SUBSCRIBE to this channel to get more videos like this to help you quit smoking:
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We’re excited and proud that The CBQ Program won us the Wellbeing Programme Specialist of the Year Award!

Since we created the first version of our flagship online quit smoking program over 6 years ago, we have been listening to our members and working tirelessly to offer a program that you love, enjoy, and, above all, helps you succeed.

6 years and 3 versions of this program later, we’ve been able to achieve that, and we’re grateful for this award and the recognition.

But our work doesn’t stop here!

We know that any award or success of the CBQ Method is directly related to the success of our people.

And our commitment is to always work on improving The CBQ Method and The CBQ Program so we can serve as many people as possible.

Thank you to everyone who trusted the CBQ Program and us.

Nasia Davos & the CBQ Method Team

Additional Resources

Check the CBQ Program here: https://cbqmethod.com/cbq-program/

Join our free CBQ Method Facebook Support Group here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/cbqmethod/

Sign up for our free CBQ Newsletter and get started with the CBQ Method here: https://cbqmethod.com/lp/4-stages-of-cbq/

Watch free videos on the CBQ Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/cbqmethod

The following craving technique will help you overcome any craving, no matter how strong, because it takes advantage of how your brain works.

I first taught this craving technique during my TED talk on how to quit smoking. In the next few lines, I want to show you why it works and how to use it step by step.

How Cravings Work

Mental cravings are just positive thoughts about smoking that create positive feelings about smoking. That’s one of the principles of the CBQ method.

When you have a craving, there is an internal dialogue taking place in your mind. 

And it goes something like this: 

– “I want a cigarette.” 

– “I shouldn’t smoke.” 

– “But I need one otherwise X bad thing will happen.” “I won’t be able to cope, relax, sleep, enjoy myself,” and so on.

So what can you do when the craving mind starts telling you those craving thoughts?

Most people either give in or try to resist their cravings with willpower, which is exhausting and rarely works in the long run.

But there is another way.

What Makes Cravings Overwhelming & What to Do About It

Cravings are just thoughts.

And even though thoughts can’t hurt you, break you, or make you do anything, they can be very convincing if you let them.

Our thoughts can even affect our body. 

Imagine dragging your fingernails across a chalkboard. 

Did you get the chills? 

You didn’t touch a chalkboard, yet your thoughts affected your body.  

In the same way, when you think “I need a cigarette right now” this can affect your body and make you physically experience the craving as more intense – even if it’s a mental craving. Learn the difference between mental and physical cravings here.

The solution is to replace the word “cigarette” with another word.

Replacing the word “cigarette” with another one will help you replace the thought of smoking with a new empowering thought.

You can’t have two thoughts at the same time. It can’t happen!

So you can always replace a thought you don’t like with a new thought. 

I call this “changing the channel in your mind” and it’s a very effective way to overcome cravings.

Replace the thought “I need a cigarette” with “I need air, freedom, power, health”.

The words we use to talk to ourselves give meaning to our experiences. By changing the words you feed your mind with, you can change your emotional state. Because our emotions are affected by the pictures we create in our minds.

You’re not going to picture, feel and do the same things if you think “I need a smoke” and “I need freedom.” So you will experience your craving in an entirely different way.

The Craving Technique “Replace”

When you have a craving, do the following steps. Read through them first so you’ll know what to do.

Step 1. Take a deep breath.

Step 2. Acknowledge that all your thoughts revolve around the word cigarette/vaping.

Step 3. Replace the word cigarette/puff/hit/pinch with another word.

Some examples are: “popcorn,” “air,” “power,” “freedom.”
Use any word or phrase that resonates with you. That’s how you will change the negative impact of your internal dialogue and, therefore, the way you experience your craving.

So next time you have a craving, keep saying: “I want air.”

Step 4. Start seeing images of yourself breathing deeply instead of picturing yourself smoking.

Step 5. Notice how you feel when you’re taking a deep breath.

Step 6. What do you hear?

Change your internal dialogue and whenever you want to say: “cigarette” or “smoking,” say the same thing but use your replacement word:

• “Popcorn sounds good right now” “I want to
  eat popcorn now.”
• “I want air now.” “All I want is a bit of air.“

Keep all your senses tuned into your replacement word. You can choose any word or phrase as long as it creates a vivid representation in your mind.

Step 7. The craving is over!
With practice, your replacement word will become automatic.

And you can use this exercise to overcome any kind of craving!

Did you like this craving technique from the CBQ Method?

The CBQ Method is a 4-stage method that’s specifically designed to help you overcome the mental addiction, change how you think about smoking, and break the habit. The mental addiction is the biggest part of the smoking addiction so overcoming it makes quitting easy.

To get started with the CBQ Method, click here to get the free Foundational Video of the CBQ.

And if you want help and support, you can join the CBQ Method Facebook support group. The CBQ Facebook community has thousands of amazing members who are on the same journey as you. And my team and I post tips every day to help you quit smoking and remain smoke-free.

Join here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/cbqmethod/

How long does it take to quit smoking?

Maybe you want to quit before a specific event or age milestone. 

Perhaps quitting smoking is urgent and you want to know how long you need to succeed. 

Or maybe you think quitting is hard and painful… and you don’t want it to last for a long time.

So how long does it really take to break free from this addiction?

Before I show you, we need to make an important distinction. Smoking is a mental and a physical addiction. It is 80% mental and 20% physical.

The mental dependence on smoking is your desire for cigarettes. In other words, how smoking makes you feel, how much you believe you enjoy it, need it, and how ingrained it is in your life.

And only 20% of smoking is the physical addiction to nicotine – the substance that first hooked you to this habit.

Since the smoking addiction has two different parts, we’ll first see how long it takes to quit smoking physically and then how long it takes to quit smoking mentally.

How Long Does It Take to Quit Smoking Physically

Nicotine is a substance that has a short half-life, which means that it quickly leaves the body.

Once you smoke your last cigarette, nicotine leaves your body in three to five days.

By the third day of being nicotine-free, almost all of the nicotine has left your system so that’s when you’ll notice your cravings peak. And after day five, the physical cravings start to subside. For many people, the third, fourth, and fifth smoke-free days are the hardest.

So from the moment you smoke your last cigarette, overcoming the physical addiction is a matter of time. It takes three to five days.

Test for Tobacco Use

If you will be tested for tobacco use for your insurance, surgery, or any other reason, you need to know that these tests don’t actually look for nicotine because it leaves your body so quickly. Instead, they look for cotinine.

Nicotine breaks down into metabolites and the most important of those is cotinine. Cotinine leaves your body in about three weeks. You can learn more about the different tests for tobacco use here.

So the physical addiction is gone three to five days after you stop smoking. However, overcoming the mental dependence on smoking doesn’t work the same way.

How Long Does It Take to Quit Smoking Mentally

The mental addiction has to do with how much you believe you enjoy and need smoking. It has to do with how you think about smoking.

That’s why it can take months, even years, to overcome the mental addiction if you don’t take the necessary steps and change how you see smoking.

And you probably already know that if you’ve tried to quit before using your willpower and felt deprived and unhappy for months after you quit – even though there was 0 nicotine in your body at that point.

So overcoming the mental addiction is not a matter of time. It’s a matter of going through the right process so you can change how you think about smoking.

None of the common methods out there teaches you how to be mentally free from smoking and overcome the mental addiction in a systematic, strategic, and reliable way.

For example, if you take nicotine replacement, vaping, or pills without working on your mental dependence, you will still feel you miss smoking.

If you go cold turkey, cut down gradually, or take herbs and natural remedies and don’t work on your mental dependence, you will still feel you need smoking and you will still want to smoke.

If you do hypnosis without consciously working on your mental dependence, you will eventually want to smoke.

But if you change how you think about smoking, you will not want to smoke any more.

How to Overcome the Mental Addiction?

When I was a smoker, I was struggling to succeed. I failed miserably so many times, and eventually, I reached my breaking point.

So I decided to stop using other methods and use my background in psychology and figure out what helps people quit easily.

So I interviewed thousands of smokers, ex-smokers, doctors, and experts. I did months of research, and read every book on neuroscience, addiction, and human behavior that I could find. And after a while, I started noticing some patterns.

I started noticing that happy non-smokers, people who were mentally free from smoking and didn’t miss it… they all had some things in common.

They all went through certain steps and stages, whether they were aware of it or not. So I put these stages in a method that everyone can use to succeed, including myself, and after years of fine-tuning this method with my team, it’s become what is now the CBQ Method.

The CBQ Method consists of four quit smoking stages that I talk about in my TED Talk.

Now I’ll just name these four stages, but if you want to learn more about them, check the CBQ Method Essentials playlist here.

The 4 Quit Smoking Stages of the CBQ Method – that Help you Overcome the Mental Addiction (In the Fastest and Surest Way Possible)

The 4 stages of the CBQ Method help you overcome the mental addiction. In this video, I explain how.

1. The first stage of the CBQ Method is: Choose to quit.

This stage prepares you to quit so you can make a real decision and commit to quitting smoking.

2. The second stage is: Change your mindset.

In this stage, you change how you think about smoking and remove the fears that stop you from becoming a non-smoker – like the fear of failure, the fear of the unknown, the fear of how we’ll be without our cigarettes – so you can believe that quitting smoking is possible and that you can do it.

3. The third stage is: Change your smoking pattern.

In this stage, you break your smoking habit, weaken your triggers, overcome the desire for smoking, and smoke your last cigarette. A big part of this stage is knowing how to cope with your cravings and stop seeing smoking as something that adds value to your life.

4. The last stage is: Condition your smoke-free life.

This stage is about remaining a happy non-smoker without feeling deprived or relapsing. Because it’s not enough to stop smoking. You have to remain smoke-free and protect your quit.

So these four stages are the necessary steps, phases, and changes you need to go through so you can overcome the mental addiction once and for all.

How Long Should You Spend on Every Quit Smoking Stage?

The short answer is: as long as you need to so you can complete the stage.

As a guideline, you can spend two to four days on every stage, which is what our program members do. This is for you if you’re focused on quitting smoking and you’re working towards a specific quit date.

You can also spend a week on every stage.

It’s not wrong to spend more than a week on every stage. However, be mindful of stretching your time too much because life can get in the way and cause you to lose momentum.

But what matters is going through the stages properly and making sure you’re done with every stage before moving on to the next one.

So overcoming the mental addiction is not about time passing, it’s about going through the right changes.

“How Will I Know I’m Over the Mental Addiction?”

When you’re mentally free from smoking, you don’t see smoking as who you are, but as something that you used to do.

You don’t have to hate smoking or other smokers. Instead, you just choose to break up with your cigarettes. You simply say, “I don’t do this anymore”.

And when you have a craving thought like ” I need a cigarette right now”, or, “a cigarette would make me feel better”… you don’t resist your cravings with willpower. Instead, you talk yourself out of smoking. And you see your craving thoughts as separate from yourself.

And here’s the thing.

When you’re mentally free from smoking, you don’t need to use your willpower. Instead, you use your mind power. Think about it.

Do you need any willpower to resist eating rat poison, ammonia or acetone?

Of course, not! Because they’re disgusting and harmful chemicals, right?

Well, tobacco has inside arsenic, ammonia, and acetone – and the only reason why you want it is because you believe that it offers you something. That’s all the mental addiction.

But when you see smoking for the poison it is – not a friend, a crutch, or the thing that gets you through hard times – but when you see smoking as a sum of chemicals, you don’t want it anymore.

So you don’t need to use willpower to resist it, because there’s nothing to resist.

Also, when you’re no longer mentally dependent on smoking, you have no anxiety, irritation, and you don’t feel deprived because you don’t smoke.

And when cigarettes are out of the question for you, the nicotine withdrawal symptoms won’t even bother you, because the mind is free, and the mind affects the body.

Now, I know that the idea of overcoming the nicotine withdrawal easily, without nicotine substitutes, is controversial. But the truth is, it’s easier to breeze through the withdrawal without taking any nicotine substitutes. In this section, you can find everything you need about withdrawal and cravings and how to overcome them easily with the power of your mind.

To sum up:

• Smoking is a mental and a physical addiction.

• The physical addiction goes away three to five days after your last cigarette.

• The mental addiction goes away after you go through the four quit smoking stages. You can spend two to four days and up to a week on every stage. But remember, going through the four stages and overcoming the mental addiction, is not about time passing. It’s about going through the right process.

So like I mentioned earlier, we took what happy non-smokers had in common and we put it in a method that everyone can use to succeed. And we kept refining this method over the years to what is now the CBQ Method. The CBQ Method helps you find quitting easy because you take control of your mind.

If you want to get started with the CBQ Method, get the free foundational video of the CBQ Method + the CBQ starter guide with tips for every quit smoking stage, an overview of your journey, and everything you need to start overcoming the mental addiction.

Get the foundational video of the CBQ Method here. 

If you’re like me, and most other smokers, you’re probably worried that quitting smoking will make you anxious, irritable, depressed, or lower the quality of your life.

Perhaps you’ve been smoking for a long time and don’t know any other way to cope.  

So how can you manage your emotions without smoking?

Read on to learn:

• A new way to think about emotions
• 3 ways to better manage your emotions 
• How quitting smoking affects your emotions
• A simple way to avoid lashing out after quitting smoking
• How long it takes for your brain to feel normal after you quit

Emotions and Quitting Smoking

Almost all smokers use smoking to cope with their emotions. But does smoking really help you manage and navigate your emotions?

Lighting up a cigarette when you’re angry or stressed only helps you ignore the root cause of that emotion and distract yourself for a moment.

So smoking is not a coping mechanism, it’s a distraction mechanism.

Think about it.

If smoking really relieved stress and depression then smokers would be the most relaxed and the happiest people ever. And of course, that’s not the case.

On the contrary, smoking is a source of mental distress all by itself: having cravings, not feeling in control of your life and your health, feeling self-conscious all the time, missing out on precious moments to smoke, feeling guilty, worrying about the cost.

And quitting smoking decreases anxiety and depression. There is a lot of research that shows quitting smoking decreases anxiety and depression even for people with psychiatric disorders. This is huge!

Your mental health will improve dramatically after you quit smoking. Yes, there will be an adjustment period after you quit as it takes about 3 months for your brain to recover and start regulating dopamine naturally.

So give your brain time to heal.

In the meantime, there’s no reason you can’t enjoy your life and learn new ways to cope and manage your emotions without smoking

How to Manage Your Emotions without Smoking

Managing your emotions doesn’t mean always feeling good. That’s not real or realistic.

Instead, managing your emotions means navigating the different emotions you experience.

Let’s see 3 ways you can start doing that today.

1. Befriend your Emotions

We tend to think that negative emotions are bad experiences that happen to us, and we need to avoid, drown, or suppress them at any cost.

But what if you were to see your emotions as your ally? Something that happens for you, to serve you.

Emotions are neither good nor bad.

Emotions are just signals.

They show you what to pay attention to. When you have a negative emotion it’s a signal that something needs to change.

For example, if you feel guilt, it means that you did or said something that’s not in alignment with your values.

If you’re overwhelmed this is a signal that you need to prioritize. Feeling anxiety is a signal you need to slow down.

If you feel down, this is a signal you need to make some changes in how you see a situation, how you act, or how you talk to yourself.

And of course fear, that’s so prominent in quitting smoking, is just a signal that you need to protect yourself and prepare for something.

For example, if you see a car coming your way you feel fear so you can be alert and prepare to run.

And when you feel fear of failure or fear of the unknown this is a signal you need to prepare for what you’re afraid of.

If you are afraid you won’t be able to cope with stress without smoking this is a signal that you need to learn more about how nicotine affects anxiety and prepare for stressful occasions.

All emotions are just signals, and negative emotions can be useful too.

2. Report Your Emotions, Don’t Act On Them

Many of us fear that quitting smoking will make us irritable, get us in trouble, and even ruin our relationships.

Of course, quitting smoking can’t change your personality or turn you into someone you’re not.

And what gets us in trouble with other people is not the experience of any emotion but our behavior. Being angry doesn’t get us in trouble, the way we express it does.

You may not be able to – and you don’t have to – change the emotion you’re experiencing. But you can change how you show it.

When you catch yourself feeling irritated, acknowledge it and don’t bottle it up.

Keeping anger and irritation inside may cause you to snap at your friends and your loved ones at a later time and then blame quitting smoking for it.

Remember, it’s okay to feel angry whether you’re a smoker or a non-smoker. When you do, take a few deep breaths and report your feelings, don’t act on them.

In other words, don’t show anger with your behavior. Instead, say: I feel that way… This irritates me….

Lashing Out

We usually lash out because we’re not responding to the event that happened, we’re responding to the meaning we give to that event.

We’re responding to the meaning we give to what happened. 

We had a member in our CBQ program who was struggling with how he showed his anger, and he was worried that after quitting smoking, his anger would get worse.

And after talking to him, he realized that the reason he got angry was because of how he interpreted things. He took things very personally.

And I think that’s true for most of us when we feel angry. We take things personally.

“He did that… this means I am not valued,” “She did that, it means she didn’t listen to me,” or “She doesn’t care about me and what I want.”

We make it about us and this makes us feel angry.

And even if at times we’re right to take things personally, lashing out never helps.

When you notice you’re feeling irritated, ask yourself:

“Is this about me?”

“What else could this mean?”

…and report your emotions. don’t act on them.

Say, “I feel that way.. this makes me think that …you don’t value me/ you don’t care about me.” This will help you express how you feel and also allow the other person to explain. It’s a win-win!

3. Start Developing Healthy Coping Skills

As we mentioned a few moments ago, smoking is not a coping mechanism it’s a distraction mechanism.

However, if it is the only coping tool you ever used or knew, it’s natural that you’re going to experience a void when it’s gone. So you need to fill that void with healthy coping strategies.

Some examples of healthy coping strategies are a daily 10- minute self-care routine, journaling, or meditation. You need to experiment with different things and see what works best for you.

And if you’re struggling to implement or learn healthy coping skills, asking for help, even professional help, is going to benefit you a lot.

The Best Coping Strategy

My favorite coping strategy is something that helps you take a step back and relax. You can do it anywhere and it’s very simple because it has to do with your breathing.

Our emotions affect our breathing.

For example, how do you breathe when you’re stressed, angry or tense?

Your breathing is shallow, fast, and interrupted.

And how do you breathe when you feel relaxed, relieved, or calm?

Your breathing is deep and slow.

Our emotional state affects our breathing. Same way, we can affect our emotions by changing our breathing.

When you’re stressed your breathing is tense. So as you inhale the first few puffs of a cigarette, your breathing has to change and become deep and slow. Otherwise, you can’t smoke!

So what really happens when you smoke, is that you inhale deeply and slowly. So you feel relaxed thinking the cigarette helped.

But in reality it was the deep and slow breathing that relaxed you. Not the cigarette.

And you can relax without smoking, just by breathing deeply as if you were smoking a cigarette.

Our emotions are a huge smoking trigger and learning how to weaken your triggers and your response to them is part of the third stage of the CBQ Method.

The CBQ Method has 4 stages in total and these 4 stages help you overcome the mental addiction and change how you think and feel about smoking so you can quit easily.

So if you want to start with the CBQ method, make sure you get the foundational video of the CBQ.

In that free video, I show you the 4 stages of the CBQ method, how they work together, and tips to get started with every stage. You’ll get an overview of your quit smoking journey and a PDF starter guide for the CBQ method with tips and notes you can use along your journey.

Get the foundational video of the CBQ Method here.