Ask An Ex

Transcript

“Whatever way you can get through it, whether it’s exercise or doing like I did, praying or whatever else it is, get a hobby. Whatever it is to get your mind off of it. Because once your mind is off of it, the urges go away. They truly do. And for the 55 years that I’ve been smoking, I’ve never ever thought that I would be a non-smoker.”

Hi everyone, this is Nasia Davos, and welcome to this episode of Ask An Ex. Today, you’ll hear from someone who joined our CBQ program and has a very inspiring story. So if you worry you can’t quit because you’ve been smoking for many years, or if you have tried everything to no avail, stay with us because the ex I have with me today did something that many think is impossible to do. She quit after smoking two and a half packs a day for 55 years and trying all sorts of methods, and she’s here to tell you how she did it. Please welcome Elinor Fibel.

Nasia: Hi Elinor, thank you so much for being here.

Elinor: Hello.

Nasia: So your one year anniversary is coming up, right?

Elinor: Oh yeah, in less than a week. I’m excited.

Nasia: Yes, as you should be. So you quit on the 11th of November 2018?

Elinor: Yes, absolutely. And it was a milestone. It really was. I never thought I’d be able to quit smoking at all. I’ve tried so many different ways in which to quit. From patches to cold turkey, to waning off, hypnosis and patches, and medication, nothing got me to stop.

Nasia: So you really have tried everything.

Elinor: Oh, everything. Absolutely. More than once.

Nasia: But you did it, so huge congratulations! What a great achievement.

Elinor: Yes, I don’t believe that it was me. I believe that the inspiration started with God for me. I’m a new Christian, a little over a year now, or two years I should say. As I was reading the bible one day, I came across this area that God was talking about having addictions and overdoing things. And of course, he spoke of things like food, like gluttony and sex and things of that nature. But he was talking in general as well, and I said to myself, “I guess that means smoking.” I started to think about it and started to say, “Well, if I want to be a good Christian, I have to quit this.” And at that time, I had just seen a commercial for your program, and I said, “What the heck? Okay.” I’ve spent more money on stupid stuff than it costs for your program. And let me tell you, it was worth every cent of it and more. But between God, praying a lot, that got me through a lot. Every time I had an urge, I would pray. I know that you give samples of things you can do to help you through those cravings, but for me, it was praying. And every time I got the urge, I would pray, and it got me through it. And I still didn’t believe I could quit, but at the end of 10 days, I put down my last cigarette, and that was it. You know I had already been praying some, now I started praying a whole lot because the urges were very strong at first. One of the keys is not to have immediate access to cigarettes because once you smoke one, you’re going to go right back. I believe that with all my heart.

Nasia: That’s great advice. So true.

Elinor: Yeah. So just get through it in whatever way you can get through it, whether it’s exercise or doing like I did, praying or whatever else it is, get a hobby. Whatever it is to get your mind off of it. Because once your mind is off of it, the urges go away. They truly do. And for the 55 years that I’ve been smoking, I’ve never ever thought that I would be a non-smoker. As a matter of fact, I have to tell you Nasia, that throughout your program you say, “Think of yourself and tell yourself that you’re a non-smoker, and picture yourself as a non-smoker.” I couldn’t. I had been smoking since I was like eight years old. So every memory and every thought that I have, every picture that I have is of me smoking in some manner. Either sneaking a cigarette or just full out smoking. My life was controlled by it. I knew it. I knew that it was controlled by it. Things like, “Okay, we can’t stay at this hotel because it’s a non-smoking hotel,” “Okay, we’re going to stay at this hotel but you need smoking, and we need a non-smoking room,” and, you know, just the urges from my family to stop for health reasons. My own ideas about my health, I knew I was lucky. If for smoking as long as I have, I do not have any lung problems, I do not have any major heart problems.

Nasia: That’s great.

Elinor: Yeah, I have some cholesterol built up but that’s a family heredity thing as well. And although smoking contributes to it, it’s not real bad right now. So, my breathing is good, I’m not on oxygen, I don’t have COPD, I’m extremely lucky.

Nasia: What was your motivation then, to say, “Okay. This time, I’m going to try. I’m going to succeed. It has to happen”?

Elinor: God wanted me to. Religion, yes.

Nasia: Okay. So it goes back to what you said before. You read this, and you connected it to smoking, and this woke up inside you, the desire to [quit].

Elinor: Right, yes. And I said to myself, “Only God could do this for me.” There was nobody, nothing. I mean, my husband, the love of my life, my children. There was nobody that could convince me to stop smoking, but God did. And so, I firmly believe it was not me; it was God, the holy spirit that helped me along and just believing and having faith, and having faith that I could. That I really could. Listening to your program, of course. That was a big thing. Going through the steps rather than cold turkey. Your program is the first program that addresses the psychological addiction because I know that the physical addiction, I have overcome in the past. It’s the psychological addiction. I was psychologically addicted to cigarettes and smoking and that whole habit and way of life. And it’s very freeing.

Nasia: Yeah.

Elinor: Just like believing in God, it’s very freeing. I feel at peace, and I don’t have to worry about, “Okay. Now, are the people that I’m with at dinner going to be angry because I get up and go outside to have a cigarette?” That doesn’t happen anymore. This is a super major step for me, and I have lots of support. Support is very important. Having those close friends that you can call any time of the day or night, and they’ll say, “No, you don’t need a cigarette,” that kind of thing. And will say, “You’re doing great, just keep it up. Talk to me for a few minutes, and the urge will go away,” kind of thing. The support, the friendship, the love.

Nasia: That’s wonderful.

Elinor: It’s important. It really is.

Nasia: Yeah, and I know that you mentioned once in the Facebook group that before you quit, you told some people close to you about your intention to quit.

Elinor: Yes.

Nasia: And I want to ask you how that helped you because there are many people who believe that it puts too much pressure on them. How did it help you that someone else knew that you’re doing this?

Elinor: They encouraged me totally and absolutely. That encouragement gave me a lift and kept me going. They would call me or text me just because and say, “How are you doing?” or, “You can do this,” “I know you can do this, you’re strong,” “You can do this, you’re stronger than you think you are,” just the encouragement was the big thing. And of course, with the encouragement came the love and the support and all of that that comes with it. I knew, and I know now that all of the people that I got involved loved me very much. I love them back, and whatever they say, whatever they do, they’re not doing it maliciously. They’re doing it because they love me and that’s how I took it and that helped me.

Nasia: Thank you so much for sharing that. It brings you peace to know that everyone has a good intention when they tell you something, when they ask you about your quit, when they tell you to hold on. What a precious thing to have, this support system.

Elinor: Yes.

Nasia: So how did you feel when you smoked that last cigarette almost a year ago?

Elinor: Very nervous. Extremely nervous, but I did exactly what you told me to do. I invited my daughter and my best friend over, and she knew what it was about. She came over, and we went out to my screen porch. I live in South Carolina. It was a beautiful day. I was out on my screen porch because I never smoked in the house while she was here.

Nasia: Okay.

Elinor: Anyway, I was fairly relaxed but very nervous about it being my last cigarette. I had more cigarettes. I had over a carton of cigarettes in my house at the time.

Nasia: Oh, wow.

Elinor: I’ll tell you about that in a second. But my last cigarette was, I savored it, and it was over much too quickly. I wanted it to last a lot longer, but it didn’t. And when I was done, I think I started to cry a little bit, and my daughter gave me a big hug. We talked for a little while longer, and she left. The cigarettes that I had left over, actually the day before I quit, I had my last cigarette. I took to my very good neighbor, she’s like family to me. And I said, “Hold on to these, and by the way, I have a key to your house, so don’t leave them out in the open either. So hide them and hold on to these. If can quit, I’m going to have a quit party.” And two weeks after I quit, and I felt like this was going to stick, I did exactly that. I made a pit fire, invited my very close friends that helped me, and we all sat there. I said a prayer, and we all sat there and burned the cigarettes in the pit fire. It was exhilarating. It was fun. It was, “Hey, I can do this,” and “Hey, this is bad stuff.” And I’m just putting it on fire.

Nasia: So it was like a celebration.

Elinor: It was a celebration. Yes, absolutely.

Nasia: Wow, that’s unique. I have never ever heard of that before. I like it.

Elinor: Yes, and coming up on my first anniversary, I know I’m going to do something. But everybody is so busy right now I’m not sure that they can make it, but if it’s not on the 11th, it will be soon around there. I’ll have everybody over, and we’ll do something else.

Nasia: Wonderful.

Elinor: We’ll start throwing cigarettes away. I saved a lot of money. I saved a lot of money.

Nasia: How much money did you save?

Elinor: In the one year? Wait a minute, I have..

Nasia: Tracking app?

Elinor: Yes, I have a tracking app.

Nasia: Awesome.

Elinor: I saved a little over $3500.

Nasia: Okay, congratulations!

Elinor: It’s a lot of money.

Nasia: Yes!

Elinor: Yeah, and they asked me what I was going to do with all that money because it winds up to be about, I think $300 a month or something like that, and I said, “Well, maybe I’ll buy a new car,” and I thought that was a good idea at the time.

Nasia: Why not? Yeah.

Elinor: But then, actually, I had a dream. The dream was that I bought a new car and I crashed it in the first day, and it was totalled. So I didn’t buy my new car, I just figured that it was an omen. Don’t buy it. So I’m just singing along here, having a good time and spending some extra money.

Nasia: Well, that’s what matters, just enjoying life.

Elinor: Yeah.

Nasia: So you mentioned that after two weeks, you knew that this was going to stick. Your quit was going to stick. How did you know?

Elinor: Because I was able to get through two weeks.

Nasia: Okay.

Elinor: And going through some not so great things in life, the down parts of life where you get nervous or stressed out or something like that. Some of the reasons why people smoke, or at least some of the reasons why I smoked.

Nasia: So you went through challenges after you quit? Things happened in your life after you quit that would have made you relapse in the past?

Elinor: Oh, absolutely. Absolutely, yes. Just recently, last week actually, my brother passed away. I was very close to him.

Nasia: I’m really sorry.

Elinor: Yeah, and it’s been a struggle for me because I am involved with his estate and taking care of his apartment and all those other kinds of things. The funeral and stuff like that are all on me, so there’s a lot of stress.

Nasia: But if you can stop smoking, you can do anything. Anything.

Elinor: That’s my mantra. I can do anything through Christ who strengthens me. That’s Philippians 4:13, and I wear it on a bracelet, and yeah. And my neighbor me bought me this little tag right there. You probably can’t see what it says, but it says, “Enjoy the journey.” That’s exactly what it is, I’m enjoying the journey.

Nasia: That’s beautiful. I love that.

Elinor: Yes.

Transcript

Hi everyone this is Nasia Davos and welcome to this episode of Ask An Ex.

Today, I have someone with me who joined the CBQ program and whose persistence and never-give-up attitude helped her quit but have also inspired many others to succeed as well. So if you believe that quitting is impossible, if you’re afraid of failure and relapse or if you think you can’t do it, stay with us.

The ex I have with me today not only quit smoking after 35 years, but after she quit she overcame challenges that would have made most people relapse but she is still a happy nonsmoker.

Please welcome Diane Felix

Nasia: Diane, thank you so much for being here

Diane: Thank you for having me.

Nasia: So you have been a non-smoker for more than a year and a half now right?

Diane: Yes I have

Nasia: The 15th of March 2018

Diane: Yes the 15th of March 2018

Nasia: Huge congratulations this is an extraordinary achievement

Diane: Thank you, it Is, you’re right, I’m very proud of myself

Nasia: Well, you should be, it’s no small feat. So you smoked for

35 years how did you start smoking?

Diane: I started smoking when I was a teenager in high school, my sister’s smoked, my parents smoked it was cool back in the 80s and my mother actually said to me at one point when she knew I was smoking, she said “I thought you would be the smart one” and the same year that I started smoking, she quit. So my parents quit actually right after I started smoking but I was addicted and I was a teenager and it was cool.

Nasia: Yeah, so I remember when you succeeded you sent an email and you said I did it I quit this time I was ready mentally ready

Diane:  Definitely.

Nasia: How did you know that you were ready?

Diane: Well I was concerned about my health and I think that that was probably the largest driving force. I had like every other person who smokes you wanted to quit every day. You don’t want to be a smoker, you know that it’s hurting you and then it’s costing you money and it’s costing you time. So I did get mad at it, and but I had a cough and I am well, I guess I was 51 at the time and I had wanted to when I was 50. So, I didn’t make the 50th birthday mark but I said I have to do this otherwise I’m not going to see my grandchildren and all the

other things so I mentally said I have to do this, period. And I didn’t know how I was going to do it though.

Nasia: Was it the first time you tried?

Diane:  I did quit for a year in 2008 and I never did smoke another cigarette again but I was smoking cigars occasionally and then I became an addict again and I smoked them every day. So, for 10 more years, yeah, 10 more years. So, I knew that I had to, I knew I had to, I had to figure this out. I think that really it’s really mental.

Nasia:  Yes, definitely! Definitely, you’re right about that. Before you quit what worried you the most about starting an attempt?

Diane: Not being able to cope. It’s a definite fear. And I remember twice the day in 2008 when I decided that I was going to quit, I had to call a helpline hmm because the anxiety was so strong and that was just deciding the day, that wasn’t quitting it, was deciding the day. But it was similar when I decided to buy your program, to make that purchase.

Nasia: What maybe you decide to try the CBQ method?

Diane: You were on my Facebook, I saw you, I found you on Facebook and I said I’m going to, it’s different, it’s a different approach and I did not want to take any drugs that was really an important thing to me. I’m really trying to be more holistic now in my approach to life

Nasia: In general

Diane: In general, right, so I don’t take any medication and I don’t like medications and so I did not want to use drugs again. And I did not want to, some people I know have used the puffer things and I knew that that was just prolonging one addiction for another and the same with the patches, the same thing. It’s all the same right you’re just kind of putting a band aid on and trying another addiction. So I knew that my biggest fear was that I would gain weight. And which I struggle have with, so I’ll have to work really hard at that. And that I would be unhappy.

Nasia: Okay so, being unhappy gaining weight and afraid that you’re not going to be able to cope

Diane: Yes

Nasia: And fast-forward, you had to deal with all three of your fears.

Diane: Yes

Nasia: As far as I know right

Diane: Absolutely, yes. However my mindset was simply, I’m not going to do this anymore so as soon as I would have a thought if I wanted to have smoke I would say but you don’t do that anymore. Every time I would look say I don’t do that anymore.  I also used a lot of positive affirmations and I had them, I had them on sticky notes and I had them everywhere in my house. Yes, I put them up when I was doing the program, as you spoke many of them I wrote them on sticky notes and I pasted them on the walls, in the area that I studied. And I

was very adamant about studying and making sure and I did at the same time every day so I did prepare myself for the course.

Nasia: Yeah

Diane: Yes, so and I’m not at my residence right now however those sticky notes are all still there.

Nasia: Wow!

Diane: Yes.

Nasia: And you know I remember them, and you had I am a happy non-smoker, I respect myself,

Diane: Yes

Nasia: Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional, and that was my favourite

Diane: Yes

Nasia: So how did all those sticky notes help you on your journey?

Diane: It was changing my mindset. From believing that those smokes or the cigarettes or my cigars were actually what I needed to cope or to deal with life or to not eat. And that helped me to realize, it was me. It was not those folks, I needed to do that. I needed to train myself that I can trust in myself and be able to overcome with just my own mind and not addiction

Nasia: And this is so powerful! And I noticed following your journey that you were someone who understood the power of thoughts. You understood that the way you communicated to yourself about smoking, about quitting and about everything, really, that it has the power to make or, break you, so you got that!

Diane:  Yes, yes I wasn’t in denial.

Nasia:  No, but I’m saying that because not everyone understands how important it is the way we talk to ourselves

Diane: Oh absolutely! I actually, since then have done a lot of meditation and just simply you know with your phone, your cellphone and headphones whether, I’m yeah, because it’s so important with everything in life that you want to do. I mean everything that you want is on the other side of fear.

Nasia: Correct!

Diane:  That’s another saying that I had, so you have to mentally be able to overcome and I also have a background of I was a single mother my whole life, I’ve had multiple jobs, nobody’s ever taken care of me. So, I’m a very independent person and though it was that nicotine that I relied on, I could do anything else I could be the single mother, I was this hard worker or I could buy, whatever, I wanted I did things all by myself, always, very independent. However, I had that crutch and that was what I believe it or not it wasn’t people that I’ve ever relied on, yeah and I when I was doing some of the work, I found that out like, oh my god, I am relying on these this package this package of cigars or cigarettes for my, for my everything in life. This is nuts, this is crazy! So, that was that was like a defining moment too. Like, I can, I have to do this myself.

Nasia: And it’s this is nothing alignment with with, who you are I mean you’re independent about everything, you take care of everyone else,

Diane:  Yes

Nasia: And you have this to control you, I mean no

Diane:  Exactly!

Nasia: Okay.

Diane: I did some writings too about you know making them write to them, to write to the addiction, right to the nicotine, right to the smokes on a journal, to make it go away, to say I

don’t like you, you know, long time control me it blah blah, a letter.

Nasia: So you did that every day, once in a while?

Diane:  Just very a real one so I could reread it if I needed to.

Nasia: Okay, all right and do you still really go back and read?

Diane:  It’s in it’s in New York but yes, I could still have it

Nasia: Okay. And which when you had like a craving and which thought or mantra helped you the most in your journey?

Diane: Certainly, what I did in the, because I thought the cravings didn’t last very long, the physical cravings, they didn’t, they didn’t last very long at all. So that I just told myself for the first week,it probably was a week, you’re not doing that, you you’re not doing that anymore, you’re not doing that anymore. Just to get through that craving. I did do some breathing and I certainly keep myself busy. I’ve always exercised, so even when I was a smoker I exercised.  

Nasia: Yeah

Diane: So I knew that that was going to be wildly important to do. So I had to overcome pain and I don’t take medication remember. So I had to figure out how am I going to now do

these exercises because I need to, because I don’t want to be heavy I don’t want to be hurt. Nasia: How did you do this?

Diane: Yeah I, just consistency every day you have to you have to stay abroad on your own self, you have to look at yourself in the mirror and say I’m going to do this and you have to do it every day. And you can’t allow other people or other influences to take that away from you. So I was giving this to me, this was it I don’t often do a lot for myself but this time I was doing it for me.

Nasia: And the hardest part I guess for many smokers is allowing themselves, the time to figure this out and be patient with themselves and love themselves a bit and put yourself as a priority for a bit, it’s hard.

Diane: It’s very hard, I struggled. I did struggle, I went, I did feel depressed in the beginning probably for six months actually.

Nasia:  Let’s talk about that, that was a huge challenge, you were able to overcome.

Diane: Remember, and it was seasonally,  it was by that time it was winter,  which isn’t which isn’t as much fun mentally. Anyways, so seasonally I think that I probably had to deal with it too, I really did have some depression. So I was not going to go to the doctor’s and take any type of drugs I because I just don’t do that. I just didn’t want to, so I did research

from some of what you had already given on the teas and I’m a tea drinker anyway, so I did start taking some ashwagandha root and 5htp yeah and I still do.

Nasia: And it helped?

Diane:  Yes I’ve gone off it for a time period and there’re periods when I’ve gone not taking it and I realized that I get a little bit short, a little bit irritable.

Nasia: Okay, interesting!

Diane:  Yep, so I have kept, I do keep taking it, I mean it’s all natural, so yeah. But I was in

about six months and then I noticed that it did actually subside a lot.

Nasia: And what else did you do to get through this? The six months?

Diane: I did, probably, a lot of exercise, when I could with because I was going through some pain at the time, some physical pain from the arthritis so I did exercise and I’m consistent even with the pain. I’m talking at least three times a week.

Nasia: Wow!

Diane: And I did a lot of walking. I did try very hard to take care of myself emotionally and allow that and tell myself it’s okay. Pat yourself on the back, you did it, breath, allow this, allow this strange behaviour, it’s okay

Nasia: Thank you for sharing that, because I hope everyone can hear that. Just allow yourself to feel the way you feel and go through it the way you’re going through it.

Diane: Yeah! And don’t hurt, don’t beat yourself up. Say okay this is, think about it, you smoked for 35 years and give yourself credit. Allow yourself to just, whatever happens be okay with it. You’re gonna be okay.

Nasia: Yeah, because when we see someone smoking, there’s a memory that comes back. It’s not a desire, it’s just a memory.

Diane:  Yes.

Nasia: You think ahead of the memory of how you will feel ten minutes after smoking, or half an hour after smoking or being addicted, this the desire just evaporates.

Diane: Exactly, exactly like that. It has nothing to do with a craving, a physical craving. It has to do with an emotional craving.

Nasia: Yeah

Diane: And now you have to fill those emotional with something different whether it be productive or not or maybe I can take a break.

Nasia: Definitely! So how did it feel the moment you smoked your last cigarette if you can remember?

Diane: Yeah I actually quit on day eight.

Nasia:  Yes, I remember that

Diane: Day eight not ten because I had gotten down to two yes and I was frustrated so I said this is crazy. I’m not prolonging this, you know for myself just be done. So I think the last one was nine o’clock at night if I recall. And I didn’t necessarily know it was my last one because I didn’t give it that weight.

Nasia:  Okay, you just let it be.

Diane: I just let it be and then when I got up I said I’m not doing this again. I’m not going to do this to myself because it was really hard to do just to

Nasia:  Yes

Diane: So I said I’m not doing this.

Nasia:  So I’m not doing this is a quote, a phrase that really helps you

Diane: Yes it did. It really did.

Nasia: Yeah and I remember you challenged yourself and you quit before the predetermined quit date so you felt in control.

Diane:  Yes

Nasia: What part of the program helped you the most in your whole journey?

Diane: Journaling, well certainly cutting down obviously.

Nasia: Yeah

Diane: I already I was probably a little bit ahead because I already was not smoking for an hour before I after I got up because that’s what I exercise.

Nasia: Okay

Diane: I always get up in the morning and exercise and I didn’t smoke till after, being consistent with doing the work because you do have to cut out that time for yourself.

Nasia: Yeah

Diane: And it’s probably an hour and a half if I recall each morning I spent an hour

and a half.

Nasia: So if you want to make the most out of it, yeah.

Diane: Yes oh right true, yes you really do, otherwise you’re cutting yourself short. And you deserve to have that time for yourself for 10 days for crying out loud really think about. So it was the slowly cutting down and then also journaling and realizing how silly you are when you start writing down why you’re doing it. And what you’re doing, if you’re honest with yourself then you’re looking at this like you know this is this is craziness.

Nasia: Yeah all the emotions go away when you look at that.

Diane: Right! Yeah ,so I used the app I thought I found that to be encouraging and when you look at, you know the thousands of dollars that you’ve saved

Nasia: Yeah you saved a lot, right?

Diane: Yeah it’s over 6,000 now

Nasia: Wow!

Diane: Yeah, exactly so when I purchased your program at the time I thought that at the time it was one month of my spending and I said I deserve that I deserve to spend one month I do I deserve this. And that’s the difference, you need to tell yourself you deserve this you’re doing it. You’re doing it because you’re going to do it. Not because everybody says that you have to quit smoking.

Nasia: Exactly, 100%!

Diane: You know what else I quit? Well, right before I quit smoking I quit drinking soda. Nasia: Good for you!

Diane: And they went together for me. Yes from being, even a teenager when I started smoking, I always had a soda because I didn’t like the taste so I would and then I switched to diet soda of course so I could be thin-ner. And then I quit that ahead of time though. So I really started drinking tea and I still make my own, I make my own.

Nasia: Wow!

Diane: I make my own ice tea and then I drink you know tea at night. I don’t drink coffee at all.

Nasia: Fantastic, so you have a very healthy lifestyle

Diane:  I do so I was the smoker with the very healthy lifestyle, it’s crazy.

Nasia: Wow, good for you! And I like that you treat yourself and you allow yourself to break down when you want to down to have your treat when you want to have it and because that’s life right? It’s never going be all calm or all mad.

Diane: Everything has to be in moderation. I mean if all humans could live in moderation it would be a lot easier on the world but I know that that’s not always the case. So and then you have to forgive yourself, allow yourself and forgive yourself.

Nasia: And also allow yourself, forgive yourself, moderation, consistency and I don’t do that Diane: 

Nasia: Exactly here you go. I love that. So last question what advice would you give to someone who’s struggling to quit right now?

Diane: Don’t give up. When I was a child, actually my dad gave me a plaque and I have it on the wall and I’ll just never forget it. It says you can’t fail if you stop trying so which is true in life. So don’t ever give up. Find what it is inside of you, that will make you be whole with yourself and allow yourself, allow yourself the opportunity to quit, to be yourself, to be you. Don’t beat yourself up and don’t ever give up.

Nasia: Beautiful! Thank you so much for sharing, this very nice. So as you all can see Diane had a journey full of ups and downs and she’s an example of what you can achieve when you take responsibility for your success, take control of your thoughts and stay committed no matter what happens. Because smoking is a mental addiction and cravings are just positive thoughts about smoking, so if you stop thinking good thoughts about smoking and start thinking good thoughts about not smoking and yourself you will succeed. Never give up. So I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did please let us know in the comments what you took away from Diane’s journey that can help you in yours and Diane thank you so much for being here and for being open about everything you went through and your experience and how you succeeded. What you said, it’s really valuable and it will help anyone who’s struggling to quit or struggling to remain smoke free, so really thank you.

Diane:  And thank you Nasia really thank you for doing your journey and helping so many other people I was able to quit with your with your program because it fit for my life and I’m really very grateful.

Nasia: Thank you I’m grateful are our paths crossed and that we were able to meet so thank you all for being here with us have a great day and see you next time.

Transcript

0:00:00.020,0:00:04.820 Hi everyone this is Nasia Davos and welcome to this episode of Ask An Ex 0:00:04.830,0:00:09.480 today you’ll hear from someone who joined our CBQ program and who has a 0:00:09.480,0:00:14.219 lot to share with you about her success in quitting smoking so if you think you 0:00:14.219,0:00:16.980 can’t quit or if you’re struggling to be without 0:00:16.980,0:00:22.540 cigarettes stay with us 0:00:26.000,0:00:28.980 The ex I have with me today quit smoking after 24 0:00:28.980,0:00:34.320 years overcame all sorts of tempting situations that life threw at her she’s 0:00:34.320,0:00:37.890 still happy nonsmoker and she’s here to tell you how she did it 0:00:37.890,0:00:43.370 please welcome Rosa Maria Roca hi Rosa thank you so much for being here 0:00:43.370,0:00:50.940 Hi Nasia you’re welcome pleasure so you have been a non smoker for about a year now right 0:00:50.940,0:01:00.079 yeah 12 December 2018 was your quit date congratulations this is a huge milestone 0:01:00.079,0:01:06.180 thank you yeah it is actually so proud of myself you should be so 0:01:06.180,0:01:15.180 you’ve been smoking for 24 years how did you start smoking well with a group of 0:01:15.180,0:01:22.380 friends actually my best friend she she started and I asked her for for one just 0:01:22.380,0:01:28.350 to try it the silly things you do when you are a teenager and I found it 0:01:28.350,0:01:32.729 disgusting was horrible but then it was trendy 0:01:32.729,0:01:39.750 everybody did it so why not yeah makes sense though I think most of us started 0:01:39.750,0:01:47.549 smoking that way yeah yeah yeah so over the years did you ever think about 0:01:47.549,0:01:55.979 quitting yes a few times yes especially when I got sick and I started coughing 0:01:55.979,0:02:03.360 and then the smell again I didn’t like the smell when I wanted to climb a 0:02:03.360,0:02:10.979 mountain and I couldn’t because I was just out of breath and yeah with all 0:02:10.979,0:02:15.810 these situations you find yourself stuck in something that is quitting you the 0:02:15.810,0:02:21.060 freedom to do so do whatever you want on right and in a healthy and happy way 0:02:21.060,0:02:30.720 yeah but I did it with success so so you wanted to quit for all those reasons did you ever 0:02:30.720,0:02:38.849 make a serious attempt yes I did a couple of them were serious the others 0:02:38.849,0:02:45.120 were not serious but the couple of them do you know what happened it was very 0:02:45.120,0:02:52.739 frustrating because I ended up crying on the corners of the house oh my god yeah 0:02:52.739,0:02:56.280 it was because I did it on my own without any help 0:02:56.280,0:03:03.329 vaping it didn’t exist yet I think patches weren’t as known as they are 0:03:03.329,0:03:10.260 nowadays and so I did it myself like with willpower yeah just yeah it 0:03:10.260,0:03:14.760 just took me a lot of tears and I couldn’t in the end I couldn’t just yeah 0:03:14.760,0:03:23.790 relapsed again yeah is this horrible and last year what what happened and you 0:03:23.790,0:03:33.799 said I’m gonna try to quit again I turn 40 I had like a painful leg 0:03:33.799,0:03:38.849 because I don’t have an excellent circulation I think now is much much 0:03:38.849,0:03:46.680 better after that we have to say no more pain in my leg so it was definitely the 0:03:46.680,0:03:53.849 cigarettes and then the you know I’ve got two kids and I had to sneak out in 0:03:53.849,0:03:59.160 the garden every time like after the meals to light a cigarette they were 0:03:59.160,0:04:03.450 calling me because they wanted to play with me before a reading time before 0:04:03.450,0:04:10.650 going to bed and you know I started to to find it very horrible actually for 0:04:10.650,0:04:16.260 them they were they are nowadays also very aware of it so they know it’s 0:04:16.260,0:04:20.970 something bad they were saying mom when are you gonna quit why do you do it 0:04:20.970,0:04:26.500 do you really need to smoke and I was asking a great question 0:04:26.500,0:04:34.630 yeah they get to challenge myself when I said listen it’s now or never it’s now 0:04:34.630,0:04:43.830 or never and I did it thanks to you Nasia well I’m very happy you found this program 0:04:43.830,0:04:51.940 what made you decide to try the CBQ method because well I tried patches 0:04:51.940,0:05:00.910 before mm-hmm well last time yeah they I mean they take the anxiety of the 0:05:00.910,0:05:05.800 urges off but you still have the cigarettes going on in your mind 0:05:05.800,0:05:12.370 so that and yeah just addicted to them you still addicted to them the 0:05:12.370,0:05:21.150 difference with your program was that that um you start from the deep roots of 0:05:21.150,0:05:26.200 smoking so where are the deep roots that’s what I found and you start 0:05:26.200,0:05:33.870 thinking about why what is making you continue smoking and all that stuff and 0:05:33.870,0:05:40.290 it makes a difference actually when when you when you go so deeply and just like 0:05:40.290,0:05:45.970 analyzing why you do it um well it’s different just have to say 0:05:45.970,0:05:49.930 it’s different I didn’t need any vaping I didn’t need patches I didn’t need I 0:05:49.930,0:05:57.669 only needed some boxing equipment that was really cool 0:05:57.669,0:06:04.750 I enjoyed the boxing oh also you did replace smoking with boxing yeah and you 0:06:04.750,0:06:12.220 bought a home equipment well my son has one so I I hung well the thing 0:06:12.220,0:06:18.610 don’t even know what is the name and I mean and and then I imagine myself 0:06:18.610,0:06:23.800 looking at the cigarette yeah does it look like a little cigarette and 0:06:23.800,0:06:34.030 then just box to it it was amazingly relaxing hmm I’m very fun I 0:06:34.030,0:06:39.910 think like fighting smile yeah it was easy and you 0:06:39.910,0:06:44.620 exercise you blow off some steam very very nice 0:06:44.620,0:06:50.080 great choice yeah I’m happy yeah I was happy at the time I chose because it 0:06:50.080,0:06:54.490 made me feel so much better I mean the anxiety went as well because you’re 0:06:54.490,0:07:00.790 obviously doing exercise and and yeah it’s a sport i sweat as well so I 0:07:00.790,0:07:05.020 burn some calories I did everything in one perfect 0:07:05.020,0:07:09.430 so obviously that helped you a lot on your journey 0:07:09.430,0:07:17.730 what other part of the program or your coping strategies helped you succeed 0:07:18.890,0:07:28.610 so I started to have a better food better food like healthier food I will 0:07:28.610,0:07:34.070 as well so I introduced to my diet avocados okay 0:07:34.070,0:07:40.340 say you know in Spain when or maybe my home we’re not very used to have 0:07:40.340,0:07:46.610 Ricardo’s and in in England they they are and they still have few friends and 0:07:46.610,0:07:49.940 they started to talk about the vitamins and whatever and I start to be 0:07:49.940,0:07:56.990 more focused on on the healthy food like going deeper and see what what the 0:07:56.990,0:08:01.970 advantages are and at the end to have better skin appearance as well because 0:08:01.970,0:08:07.340 yes avocados are great yeah yeah the cigarettes damage your skin a lot yes 0:08:07.340,0:08:11.710 yes that’s true what else helped you along the way 0:08:11.710,0:08:18.230 exercising even if it’s going out for the walk for half an hour if you don’t 0:08:18.230,0:08:25.550 have time to go to the gym yeah whatever to have some fresh air yeah you are 0:08:25.550,0:08:35.530 stuck in your chores or job problems just anything that gives you some some 0:08:35.530,0:08:40.969 good well-being right like dancing as well because I like dancing I 0:08:40.969,0:08:46.190 particularly like dancing with my kids and listening to the music yeah anything 0:08:46.190,0:08:53.300 you you enjoy basically will help where are you doing those things before or 0:08:53.300,0:08:58.370 you started doing them more when you quit smoking I started so I 0:08:58.370,0:09:05.420 started to do them more when I quit but I yeah I used to do them before also but 0:09:05.420,0:09:12.740 less it’s true less less time cause I didn’t have much time to that very 0:09:12.740,0:09:19.790 interesting and I know you told me in the past year you had to overcome a lot 0:09:19.790,0:09:27.350 of tempting situations can you tell me more about what they were and how you 0:09:27.350,0:09:30.900 overcame them because I think this can be very very helpful 0:09:30.900,0:09:36.460 it was a challenge I mean going out with your gin tonic or whatever the red wine 0:09:36.460,0:09:41.470 in your hands and not having the cigarette in the other hand yeah it’s uh 0:09:41.470,0:09:47.980 it’s quite tough but once you do it and honestly you drink a couple of glasses 0:09:47.980,0:09:54.160 of wine and the next day you just wake up there’s no coughing there’s no 0:09:54.160,0:09:59.560 horrible smell taste in your mouth that’s not it’s no it’s nothing 0:09:59.560,0:10:06.610 yeah you tie it because you went to bed late but um you feel great and that’s 0:10:06.610,0:10:12.220 another thing that you need to learn to enjoy from now on great I love that you 0:10:12.220,0:10:16.720 said that so in the moment where you you were with your friends 0:10:16.720,0:10:22.270 there was the strong association with cigarettes that you hadn’t had the 0:10:22.270,0:10:25.690 chance to break it because it was something you hadn’t experienced as a 0:10:25.690,0:10:32.440 nonsmoker yet what did you do in that moment that allowed you to enjoy 0:10:32.440,0:10:39.010 yourself and your friends without having to smoke so it’s it quickly came to my 0:10:39.010,0:10:48.700 mind your words like observe and identify the double trigger okay and I 0:10:48.700,0:10:55.390 actually did and I assumed it I accepted it and I said listen now this is over 0:10:55.390,0:11:02.770 and you have to learn to enjoy yourself without it and yeah was like giving a 0:11:02.770,0:11:07.360 lesson to myself because you have to talk to yourself sometimes to realize 0:11:07.360,0:11:15.730 and to be aware of it and yeah it worked I I just accepted it and and it helped 0:11:15.730,0:11:24.280 me but another thing that helped me a lot I have to say is um just realizing 0:11:24.280,0:11:31.600 that it’s it’s a life-changing experience and I mean that once once you 0:11:31.600,0:11:39.130 you say this is over you need to change your lifestyle yeah because otherwise if 0:11:39.130,0:11:44.560 you get stuck there and you follow the same patterns it might not work 0:11:44.560,0:11:49.959 so you need to introduce new new things and things that make you feel happy and 0:11:49.959,0:12:00.029 better happier what other things did you introduce the and change your lifestyle 0:12:00.389,0:12:07.329 well actually I have to say that I enjoyed watching a movie after the meal 0:12:07.329,0:12:14.410 like without having to go out cause it was the meal then the cigarette and then you 0:12:14.410,0:12:19.509 know and then watching a movie maybe but like having finished the meal and go to 0:12:19.509,0:12:26.470 the dining room to to watch a movie it’s amazing without having to well feel the 0:12:26.470,0:12:31.980 flavor that the bad flavor in your mouth and whatever mm-hmm another thing that makes you feel proud and full 0:12:31.980,0:12:39.009 these little things it’s a it’s a a chain of little things that make you 0:12:39.009,0:12:42.730 feel just great exactly and so that’s why I’m asking you 0:12:42.730,0:12:47.709 about it because a lot of people are struggling selecting and identifying 0:12:47.709,0:12:52.000 those little things that can make a massive difference in how you feel and 0:12:52.000,0:12:55.809 you not needing cigarettes so what you did was really smart 0:12:55.809,0:13:06.189 dinner movie it’s amazing helps I also have a thing that I found interesting is 0:13:06.189,0:13:13.089 like um I bought a few different teas yes so I’ve got different teas like la 0:13:13.089,0:13:22.660 camomile and then these liquorise with pepper peppercorn I think so these 0:13:22.660,0:13:27.910 little different things and every time I need to like have something in my mouth 0:13:27.910,0:13:34.600 because sometimes yeah whatever I go and have different tea so today I’m gonna 0:13:34.600,0:13:38.800 try another one I’m gonna take this one because I love it 0:13:38.800,0:13:44.889 or you can be a chewing gum I mean a minty chewing gum I love chewing I’m just so 0:13:44.889,0:13:52.959 but you know these things these little treats and I like the idea about the 0:13:52.959,0:13:57.180 teas because you have some variety trying always something new 0:13:57.180,0:14:03.990 no it’s good very nice so when when you feel everyone and we all experience 0:14:03.990,0:14:14.570 stress how do you manage stress as a nonsmoker I’m going out for a walk I 0:14:14.570,0:14:22.080 don’t at home you feel the atmosphere it’s overwhelmed yeah I go out for 0:14:22.080,0:14:30.440 a walk or I just go upstairs and sometimes take a bath if I have the time 0:14:30.440,0:14:38.010 I call a friend and just explain her whatever or having a chat with 0:14:38.010,0:14:44.760 my husband well it’s very helpful if you are just stressed for anything but in 0:14:44.760,0:14:55.590 the end it’s not worth it that’s a great mindset so one last question yeah 0:14:55.590,0:15:00.930 what advice or tips would you give to someone who’s struggling to succeed at 0:15:00.930,0:15:09.690 the moment so that nicotine addiction just lasts two or three weeks so don’t 0:15:09.690,0:15:14.600 worry you’re not gonna die you will overcome it 0:15:14.600,0:15:21.840 that is the mind power what will help you a lot so not the with the willpower 0:15:21.840,0:15:28.230 the mind power that as you said Nastia in your videos but it’s true but you 0:15:28.230,0:15:32.610 need to cultivate your change once you believe it just cultivate you change 0:15:32.610,0:15:37.260 that means change your lifestyle basically or introduce these little 0:15:37.260,0:15:44.240 things into your daily life and you’ll see the difference 0:15:47.190,0:15:55.170 yeah and do what you love to do thank you back you’ll see the feedback thank 0:15:55.170,0:15:59.699 you so much for sharing this that was very very helpful thank you so much very 0:15:59.699,0:16:05.879 good so as you all can see Rosa’s journey is a great example of perseverance and 0:16:05.879,0:16:09.779 resourcefulness she had ups and downs like everyone but 0:16:09.779,0:16:14.189 she stayed committed she used the power of her mind and she did it and this is 0:16:14.189,0:16:18.810 important to remember because there is no such thing as the perfect quit what 0:16:18.810,0:16:23.399 matters the most is how you approach it your mindset and your attitude so I hope 0:16:23.399,0:16:27.660 you learned a lot and that you enjoyed this as much as I did please let us know 0:16:27.660,0:16:31.290 in the comments what you took away from Rosa’s journey that can help you in yours 0:16:31.290,0:16:35.850 and Rosa thank you so much for being here and sharing your experience it was 0:16:35.850,0:16:43.769 really great and I know it’s gonna help a lot of people so thank you thank you 0:16:43.769,0:16:47.310 and thank you all for being here with us have a wonderful day and I’ll see you 0:16:47.310,0:16:49.790 next time